January 2012
1 post
December 2011
1 post
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_drank →
If your drink of choice has a “Notable Deaths from Use” subsection on it’s Wikipedia page, it’s probably high time to be in the market for a different drink of choice
November 2011
2 posts
4 tags
3 tags
September 2011
5 posts
It’s been a solid ten years since the Atlanta Braves last interfered with my wishes in any meaningful way yet I’m still giddy at the prospects of them somehow missing the playoffs. Someday when I have a son, and he begins to express an interest in sports, I plan to sit him down and say: “Son, do you feel capable of irrational disdain? For if you don’t feel like you could...
May 2011
1 post
April 2011
3 posts
Carmelo Anthony and the New York Knicks: a pristine, flawless organ surrounded on all sides by a festering herpes outbreak
Every year the coming of the Kentucky Derby makes me wish that there was an athlete with a widely known reputation for premature ejaculation so that we could turn ‘the fastest two minutes in sports’ into the greatest derogatory nickname in human history
March 2011
9 posts
Having a college aged kid ask me in the elevator at the hospital whether or not I knew the precise location of the fraternity ward was one of those seminal “I weep for the future” moments that I do so cherish
“When I see “uploaded by Facebook for Android” I feel a sense of...”
– Moi.
Highlight of my Day
Just sent a friend a catching up email with the subject headline: “Nail any high school chicks lately?” Sense of pride: Robust.
“Positing that radiotherapy is an effective treatment for reducing growth hormone...”
– My interpretation of a passage from Andreoli and Carpenter’s “Cecil Essentials of Medicine”
“I’ll feel like I’ve made it as an influence upon popular culture...”
April 2010
8 posts
1 tag
2 tags
NFL Draft. Round 1. Levity Recap.
1. St Louis- Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma.
Anytime you get the chance to tie the fortunes of your franchise to a quarterback whose throwing shoulder is held together by the twine they use in operating rooms in Oklahoma,that’s a move you gotta make. Directly prior to the draft, Kiper or one of the others hair masses at ESPN reported that the Browns had effectively godfather offered the Rams...
2 tags
WatchPhish 3D. A reaction.
It’s hard to sit in a theater and look at literally anything for two and a half hours, and with enjoyment of a Phish show being so incredibly dependent on the energy of the crowd as well as the many distractions, this was particularly brutal.
Of all the bands and all the shows in the world, Phish at Indio is a tremendously underwhelming selection for the use of 3-D...
4 tags
Shit. A Stream of Consciousness response to the...
The Bills, my precious Bills, now stand as the lone prepubescent in the locker room of the AFC East and are suffering the shame appropriate to their predicament. In the past few months, the Jets have loaded their roster with every felonious ne’er do well that had grown too rough for the cell blocks of their former teams (a considerable bounty,) and whispers have abounded about the Patriots...
2 tags
“This is why you lift all them weights”
– Bill Parcells.
Oddly motivating, poor syntax be damned.
3 tags
March 2010
9 posts
5 tags
4 tags
The MLB Drug Testing Issue
It is being reported that for the first time in human history, a person decided to attempt recreational use of cocaine for the first time at the tender age of 57, and the individual in question is Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington. Regardless of the believability of the notion that someone would use the drug for the first time at such an advanced age, the real issue here is the complete...
Mas Syracuse Basura
Perhaps it was the wave of debauchery lit that crashed over me following “A Million Little Pieces”, or simply a lack of tantalizing alternatives at the Dublin Airport bookstore that day, but I am sorry to say that on a return flight to Chicago from the land of my ancestors, I read a hot-mess of a book called “Smashed.” I don’t want to dull you with the sort of deep...
Y'all got jokes.
Syracuse Joke Depot
Coming out of high school, I thought about attending Syracuse, but then I decided I’d rather make something of myself.
OR
Coming out of high school, I thought about attending Syracuse, but then I decided I’d like to own my own home some day.
I was thinking about proposing a bet with a preeminent Syracuse blogger where we tender notable exports of our fair...
Crannibalism: Unutilized Advertising 800 Pound...
Ed. Note: Been eating a grip of Craisins lately.
Is it me, or shouldn’t the good people at Ocean Spray be taking advantage of the built-in advertising campaign that is: Crannibalism. Anthropomorphized CGI cranberries engaging in cannibalism because cranberries are just that fucking delicious.
Right. People find images relating to cannibalism disturbing, and the commercial would make...
1 tag
3 tags
February 2010
12 posts
The Espresso Baseball Correlary
As previously mentioned, I am a man who enjoys a cup of espresso in the morning. The following are the results of this mornings forays into espresso making:
Pot 1: Successfully crafted specifically for my morning chest workout. No complaints, delicious.
Pot 2: The pot for work, set up to brew while in the shower. Mistakes were made, as I forgot to put the pot completely under the spout,...
1 tag
One Word to Fix Pairs Figure Skating
Betrayal.
I’ve spent the last 4 minutes or so watching the Pairs Figure Skating from Vancouver, and in that short period I deduced a slight modification in the sports (competitions?) rules that would allow it to completely blossom: Betrayal. The specifics of this betrayal are subject to the artistic license of it’s competitors, but I’m picturing the male skater launching his...
3 tags
Dick Shots at Dawn
I like to imagine an alternate universe where the old west is still in full swing, but instead of disputes being solved by drawing pistols, dick shot battles were used in instances of irreconcilable discord. Same rules apply, with shadowy, drawn out glaring contests leading up to a mutual assault on each others groins: First man to drop his opponent to the sandy ground with a monster slap to the...
The Olympic Climate
Like so, so many other things, I know next to nothing about Vancouver. The anchors of my understanding of the town are a passive acceptance of marijuana and a relative proximity to Seattle, which makes me question why so much has been made of the lack of wintry cooperation during the first days of the games. I’ve always thought of Seattle as a temperate area, with a climate mediated by the...
WatchCongratulations to the Saints, and condolences to myself as I deal with an as yet unnamed phenomenon that is effectively food hangover. It’s not looking like a whole lot is getting done today.
Commence the Countdown to the University of...
In the last half-decade, the recruiting classes entering the University of Florida on an annual basis have been without peer, and this years incarnation is no different as prognosticators have already begun speculation as to its place in history. When a team is on as prodigious a roll as Florida is presently on, the cyclical nature of concentrated power in college football is a...
